Monday, March 26, 2007

My Weekend Theory Was Wrong

Well, I guess I only thought that weekends were not so hard. I was not feeling well this weekend and so I used that as an excuse to eat a little more than I should have. Hmmm. At least I admit that it was an excuse - a no good one, for sure. So I did not weigh myself this morning. I call that therapeutic avoidance - I just avoid looking at or even really thinking about the evidence of my misdeeds until I have gone a day or two in the right direction so that I won't feel so bad when I finally do look. By using this tactic, I can remain in denial about reality - a skill that I (and various members of my family) are extremely good at. It's the ostrich thing.

I just get so damned frustrated. I was stuck at around 171 for several days and I was eating well (read: not much) and working out. I am a person of instant gratification - I want to weigh 120 right now, not in 6 months. I absolutely hate the idea of losing 1 pound a week - doesn't that sound just awful? Anyway - things are going well today and at least I can say that I did two kick ass workouts this weekend and my butt and calves hurt from it all. Yay! Pain is gain, pain is gain!

It is very confusing trying to figure out exactly how much I am supposed to eat. If I try to restrict my intake too much, I stop losing. If I eat a little bit several times a day, I usually lose weight at a good clip. But determining the right balance is not easy, especially with my age increasing and metabolism likely slowing on a daily basis. I just don't know how those damned anorexics do it. They starve themselves and lose tons of weight. I starve myself and all I get is nausea and a stuck scale. And I just can't keep it up, man! Not that I am condoning such weight loss methods but you know, we all have that image of ourselves getting skinny and telling all of our friends how we suffered. I, and I suspect most women, love suffering contests - we all want the crown. And frankly, there is a certain undeniable glamour that comes with a stick thin figure - I don't care what anyone tells me to the contrary. And don't even get me started on the skinny people who bitch about not being able to find any clothes to fit them. Please - just shut up and eat a sandwich.

All I really want is to be able to fit into my Seven jeans again. I spent $130 dollars on those stupid jeans years ago and therefore, I need to get further wear out of them. Those jeans will fit me well before I reach my goal (unrealistic) weight - they should fit me just fine in about 15 pounds. There will certainly be a picture to mark that hallowed day.

Today's Weight: Ostrich Therapy in force - not looking until I feel able to handle the drama
Today's Exercise: Walk/Jog after work with Wyatt
Today's Song: Oceans Will Part

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