Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Stable But Oh, the Stress Cravings!

Turns out I really didn't gain any weight at all. I weighed 162 this morning. Pretty good considering some of the things I ingested in the past two weeks but when I really look at what I was eating overall I was still eating a lot of protein because for some odd reason I am completely obsesssed with chicken lately. No boring ass boneless, skinless steamed breast - I want chicken strips, chicken sandwiches, chicken salads. I want chicken (even if it IS breaded and deep fried) pretty much all the time. I have also been munching some fine cuts of beef - mostly some beef tenderloin thingy I got at Costco that my husband cooked up perfect for me (pretty much not cooked and bleeding) and an occasional burger. Oh - and the shrimp! Shrimp quesadilla (on a tiny low carb tortilla, of course), grilled shrimp, etc. I guess the lack of weight gain can be attributed to mucho protein and minimal cinnamon bear and pizza intake.

Today, however - I am being chased around the office by thoughts of donuts and cookies and chicken strips. I realized recently (I don't know why it took so long to figure it out, duh) that I have an overwhelming urge to eat when I am under pressure at work and stressed out. If I am on a tight deadline trying to crank something out by 5PM, you can bet that I am working on a bag or two of the cinnamon bears. Today I came into the office ready to eat just about anything (even Kitty's hardboiled egg was momentarily appealing) after a hurricane-like morning of filing something with the court, dropping the kid off, dropping off a CD for a friend and meeting some guys from church for a meeting. Once I got here I realized that I had to run down to the market because I needed some milk for coffee and some feminine products. As I drove down to the store I was thinking about all the food possibilities. Once I got there, I went straight to the milk and the fem aisle but then moseyed over to "look" at the cookies and donuts. BUT - I left with my box of OB's and a pint of milk. I came back here, made a cup o' joe and ate one of my bars. Now I feel okay and not ready to inhale a pepperoni pizza or run to Buns By the Lake for a behemoth brownie. I wish I was not so food-focused. It really has become a salve of sorts for me.

I plan to work out tonight - I did so on Sunday night and discovered that I can jump rope in my home gym. Love to jump rope, even if I can only sustain it for about 34 seconds. I lifted weights and did the 'step' and kept it all up for around 35 minutes. Yay - of course I was so sore yesterday from the weights and the lunges, I had to gingerly lower myself into bed last night, cursing myself but also being secretly happy that I was sore. I bragged a little to Justin. He wasn't especially impressed.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Still Bad and Definitely NOT Thinner!

I am not as cheery as the last time I posted. I've had a rough couple of weeks and of course I used food to soothe myself through... I have no idea how much I weigh and I refuse to look until at least Monday (maybe I can starve a few off by then so the upset is not quite as great). I always seem to sabotage my own successes. However, I am committed to climbing "back on the horse" this weekend and at least start jogging again!

In other news, my father (not to be confused with my dad) bought Justin, Wyatt and I airline tickets to come to California in August for a whole week. We are very excited. Mostly I am excited because Wyatt has his own seat and neither Justin or I will be forced to try and wrestle with that kid on our laps for hours on end. Oh my goodness - cannot even imagine that battle. Our travel date is August 15... I HAVE to be in my skinny jeans by then, I MUST! I guess I shouldn't base my weight loss efforts on dates - that is kind of stupid but at least it gives me a goal. Although my "goal" of my birthday for losing "as much weight as possible" has not really motivated me too terribly much...

You know what I thought of today that was pretty motivating? SUMMER. HOT. WEARING SHORTS. BEING COMFORTABLE. BATHING SUIT. Eeeek! Last summer sucked and every picture I see of myself from that time you can tell that I am terribly uncomfortable with my body and my clothing. Oh, and I look really fat, too. Nice. I really don't want my summer to be like that again. Must grasp onto this wisp of inspiration and give an internal shout out to myself:

"Onward, my lazy, snack-loving lass! Stop feeling sorry for self - stop feeding face of self - start taking care of self!" Take showers, remove makeup and wash face at night, file nails, get waxed, pedicure yourself, wear clean socks, hang up clothes, eat well and exercise! TODAY!" It sounds so easy but oh, do I struggle with the easy stuff...

Will give a report Monday on how this whole self-love thing works out.

Friday, May 4, 2007

I AM SO BAD - BUT THINNER!

Hello - I'm back. I've been away too long... I had a minor freak out last week. Remember I was so happy because I was down to, like, 162.5 right after I was sick? Well, of course the weight came back once I actually hydrated myself so I was back at 164-ish which wasn't so bad but then something awful happened that threw me off track for a few days. Yes - I was overcome by TEMPTATION. I was tempted by the evil snacks - the cheddar flavored Quaker snack bag that includes pretzels, rice chex and those little brown squares that I love love love. I was traveling to Idaho with some guys from church. It started innocently enough with me eating a piece of jerky (it's protein, man) and then a couple of nuts but then - hello! Bob brought out this giant Quaker Snack Pack and it was all over. Not only did he have that bag - he had TWO, I tell you. I completely lost myself and was obsessed for the rest of the night with eating as many snacks as I could. It didn't help that the other guy, Ernie, was also having a snack attack. We really went for it - well, at least I had fun with Ernie. And he introduced me to the amazing Doritos jalepeno cheese crackers. Thanks A LOT, Ernie. Now I have something new to crave!

So - I weighed 165 again by Sunday but you know what? I am back to 162 (legitimately this time) and I feel pretty darned good. So - below are my pictures from last week as well as ones from this week. Last week I am wearing the awful grey velour cozy pants and feeling really fat and gross. The newer pictures are better and hey! I am wearing my Citizen jeans - now, they are certainly too tight to actually wear around just yet (I get the famous "muffin top" still) but in about ten pounds I am going to be fabulous in my jeans! And yes, I realize how gigantic my boobs look - how gigantic my boobs ARE - but they too will shrink as I continue to lose. It seems to be the last place I lose - there, and my chubby arms. Oh well - at least I don't look like THIS anymore (see below). This was pre-Stark Raving Flab. Post baby by about 3 months - I was still around 200, I think. My advice to all - try not to be totally obese when you become knocked up - it is no fun. But seeing this picture really makes it obvious to me how far I have progressed. Okay - don't be scared...


Now - here are my newer pics. Not perfect, but not THAT, thank God.


Definitely on my way to being WAY cuter! Have a fab weekend...