Friday, July 20, 2007

Returning to the Land of the Living...Finally

Well, it has been a little over two weeks now since the surgery and I am finally feeling better. I mean, I am not actually enjoying squirting salty water up my nose four or five times a day, but at least I am no longer in constant aching pain and no longer on the pain meds that make me a little confused and cranky.

I am actually looking forward to being a healthy individual again - I did some P90X workout with my husband last night - Kenpo, which is really just Taebo or cardio kickboxing, whatever you want to call it.

Now don't call me crazy, but I have seriously been considering doing a religious fast - a Christian Fast, if you will. I've been doing a lot of research on it and just seem to have it on my heart that I need to get closer to God - to really hear what it is that He is trying to say to me. I can hear these brief whispers but so many earthly distractions get in the way that I cannot understand what I am supposed to be doing. Truthfully, I feel a little lost lately and far from God. I hate that feeling and it is very easy to get comfortable with it, like - "Oh, I'll work on that later." Yeah, not a good attitude. That's when Mr. Evil starts creeping around saying things like "you could just have a couple of beers" or "you should eat that entire pizza" or "you should just ignore the issues and/or pain in your life." And he has been creeping around, for sure. For awhile. However, amazingly enough, the only real compulsion I've had is to eat but that can be just as damaging as some of my other obsessions.

I feel open and ready to do this but I also need to pray and take the time to know that I am doing it all for the right reasons. It is not about losing weight - although that is a side effect that I won't, uh, mind AT ALL. The true focus is getting closer to God and determining through prayer and mediation His will for my life. And I can't do that when my thoughts are constantly focused on what I am going to eat next. Honestly - I wake up thinking about what I get to eat next - I am giggling right now - that is so pathetic, but so human - so ME.

Anyway - I will continue my research this weekend and will hopefully be obtaining a juicer by Monday so that I begin to prep for this event. I will do a juice fast, not a water fast, because I have some blood sugar issues that I don't care to struggle with while I am trying to fast. My choice is to abstain from solid food, not all calories!! For me, that would not be a wise choice. Besides, you can go a lot longer on a juice fast. I haven't decided how long I will do the fast but will read more about it and plan accordingly.

Okay - back to work now. It is Friday and I am glad for that. I feel happy today for the first time in several weeks.

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