Monday, August 6, 2007

Day Six: FINE, Haven't Written DAILY

Well, man, if you'd had the weekend I'd had you wouldn't have written either. Now that I see that sentence written out, however, I am thinking, "What was so bad or busy about my weekend?" Not too much, really. I think the stress of the fast just makes everything SEEM worse.

Despite my use of the word "stress," I would have to say that not eating any solid food is NOT particularly stressful or even awful. Mostly, I just MISS it. And the weekend was especially difficult. First, I have to watch my son and husband eat and that isn't very fun, but was bearable. They both eat fairly healthy and I could just sort of look at the food and think, "hmmph."

THEN, however, came our visit to the swim park. Here, I had to watch skads of people shoveling in pizza, nachos (the kind with that awful plastic-like cheese from a can that I LOVE), giant pretzels, candy, soda, sandwiches - it was a nightmare. The only thing that kept me from reaching across the towels to strangle a nearby eleven-year-old boy who was inhaling a bag of salt & vinegar chips was the fact that the majority of the people eating the food (minus the kids - well, minus the un-fat kids) were LARGE and not looking too great in their swim apparel. I reminded myself that part of the reason for my fast was to break the stronghold that certain foods have over me (like all of that crap listed above). Yes, the fast is about growing closer to God but I am also asking for release from my self-destructive eating habits. I want to have a baby, dammit, and I want to get knocked up soon! So the overweight eaters really just inspired me to keep at it, despite my wanting to eat whatever item they happened to be indulging in.

Whoo - I digress. My mind is still pretty clear (for someone who hasn't eaten in six days) but I have these strange moments where I will be talking and all of the sudden I am conscious of the fact that a) I have been talking a LONG time; b) the person I am speaking with is beginning to look comatose and c) my breath smells like an old molding can of refried beans left in the fridge too long. (If you have smelled this particular smell before, you know what I am sayin). I have had a few "senior moments" where I've completely lost what I was saying but I don't know that that is the effect of the fast - probably more that I was distracted by the sight of Sonic's new spicy breakfast burrito on TV.

And really, I don't sit around thinking about food very much at all. I DO really enjoy coming up with new juice concoctions. Why, just today I juiced almost an entire watermelon. I just cut off the green skin (you leave the rind, which is where all of the vitamins are, according to the long-armpit-haired hippies that write these juicing books). Hippies be damned - they are so right about watermelon juice. It rocks. And you get SO much from one watermelon. My other new faves - tomato (who knew?), cantaloupe and grapes. All of it is amazing. I was not so hot on the sweet potato/apple combo. You could just taste that weird, chalky thing that you can taste when you bite a raw potato. I drank it but uh, I won't be juicing any more sweet potatoes.

I am praying and doing some reading in the evenings. When I feel insane like I can't keep doing this, I just tell myself that I can, with the strength of Jesus - and I get through another day. Truth be told, it is not that bad. I look forward to eating, of course, but I am not feeling crazy desperate or anything - YET. Just don't get near me with any sort of snack food. You might lose it, along with your arm.

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