I am eating again - the fast has ended. I actually ended up breaking the fast on Friday evening. It is difficult to explain, well, I guess it really isn't - I got angry and stressed about something and that caused me to shove a handful of cheerios into my mouth and instead of spitting them out (see Day 8 entry - how gross) I just swallowed those suckers. And then a few more.
I felt momentarily guilty but I KNEW in my heart that it was time to end the fast. I was and thinking a little crazy. In fact, I probably should have ended it when I was chewing and spitting the food, days earlier, but I pushed it another few days. In any event, I am damned proud to say that I made it 10 days and feel no worse for the wear. I am, however, glad to be back in the world of the eating. Oh and by the way for all you who may be concerned that I might have offended God by breaking the fast like that - I checked in with Him about 2 seconds after the last cheerio went in and guess what - He forgave me. I had a sense of well-being, even after the cheerio (and okay, a couple of animal crackers) frenzy that I had accomplished some of what I'd set out to do. I plan to do another fast in the near future - probably in about 2 or 3 weeks but I am only going to do it for a week this time.
It is amazing how taking your mind OFF of food can make you so much more aware of your hang ups and habits surrounding food. Or how much mindless eating we do. I am a total SNEAK eater - I try to hide what I eat from my husband and family (well, his family - my family all we do is eat and quite openly, at that).
So the other day, you know, that woman who looked at me and said "I wish I looked like that!" well, her mom, Glenda (who is my childcare provider) relayed that Stephanie (the "I wish" speaker) wanted me to help her with a diet. Stephanie just had a baby - about 8 weeks ago, I believe. She is ready to start taking the weight off - she is not planning on having any more kids. She is in her twenties and just had her third - I have great hope for Stephanie - she is so young, there is no reason she cannot get her body back. Anyway, I am working on a list of tips to get her started while I am on vacation and then I really do want to sit down with her and work out an eating and exercise plan for her (and myself, for that matter).
I don't know that I will be posting while away in California but who knows, I may have some internet access and some amazing story to tell so - stay tuned.