Monday, August 27, 2007

Feeling Blah and Not Much Like Writing

The title pretty much says it all. I have been just exhausted the past couple of days. My husband and I began doing some intense workouts last week and I must have overdone it, though it didn't feel like it at the time, because I am just dog tired. Today I feel somewhat better but my butt was dragging all weekend long.

I feel fat and gross. I had to shop for a new bra yesterday (my old ones are disintegrating more and more each day) and I was in tears TWICE. I almost wished I had never gotten these stupid breast implants. I have no idea what size bra I wear but I was not about to have some anonymous saleswoman measure my melons, tut-tutting the entire time about the fact that I have implants, oh my God. Nobody ever believes me when I tell them that YES, they ARE double D's, though they don't appear to be on visual inspection. They are amazingly full - let's just say I can fill a cup with no puckers. I'm really not sorry I got the implants because it made my breasts look much better but being heavier AND having implants (and having a baby) makes them quite large and unwieldy and definitely hard to fit into anything - a bra, a bathing suit, even shirts. I can't wear anything that buttons - I am a prisoner to knits at this time. Anyway, I finally made it out of the store with a single bra - and I can tell from wearing it for a few hours that it is too big around and the little wires that come up under my arm are sticking into me. That's nice - being jabbed in the armpit all day is so pleasant.

Back to fat and gross - I am trying to remedy that. I started a modified fast this morning and will end it Friday night. Liquids only - I decided I cannot do the no caffeine thing right now. I've added back a cup or so a day and frankly, I don't think that is too bad. I just need to get back to how I felt when I finished my last fast - my thinking around food was much improved and I didn't feel like I needed to eat outrageous things or sneak cookies or anything like that. Vacation right after my last fast didn't help matters. And I meant to start a fast yesterday but was overcome by the drama of the day and the sight of iced ginger cookies in the bakery department at the grocery. When stressed, I am a food sucker for sure.

Well, alright, I wrote quite a bit. I am just feeling sad and blah - not totally sure why. Fatness may have something to do with it but I know that's not all there is to it. My husband is going to want to work out tonight. I guess I will have to since I skipped on Saturday and last night. I need to want to but I am STILL sore from my workout last Thursday. Me and pull-ups are just not right for each other. At least right now.

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