Thursday, October 18, 2007


My weight went up overnight. It is a mystery. Well, maybe not. I didn't eat very "on program" last night, I didn't drink all of my water and my workout was more abdominal exercise than aerobic. I was still incredibly bummed out when the scale said 162.2. I sat there on the toilet (not going, just pondering) bashing myself over the head and of course having these ridiculous "I should just give up" and "this is never going to work" thoughts.

WHY am I so black and white? WHY do I get so distressed by a truly minor increase in my weight? Maybe I am just retaining a little water - Maybe I am constipated (which could be true because, um, like I said, I was not going and never did, come to think of it) or MAYBE I just need to forget it and be very disciplined today about my food and water intake and just KEEP MOVING FORWARD. Eventually, the weight is coming off. And I am not stopping until it is GONE. YEAH!

There were good news things this morning, too - My brown pants fit loosely, I am still in ketosis (trace, but still it's THERE) and my skin is looking clearer. So I just need to loosen up and realize that I may not see loss every day, although sometimes I feel as if I deserve to see loss every day because I am so deprived. Whatever - God, I look at my thoughts as I write them down and I am often blown away by the shallowness of them! Oh well - there is much work to be done in this crazy-making place that is my mind.

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