Friday, January 4, 2008

The Sabotage Monster

What is it about starting a new regime that makes the Sabotage Monster come out? I feel good, I start my day right (eating clean, drinking my water, etc.) and then from out of nowhere, comes this little voice that says "you could eat _____, since you're under stress. It won't really matter" or "you can eat _____ and then just don't eat dinner and that will be just fine" or some other useless statement that is basically sabotaging myself and my efforts for another day.

I don't get it. The same thing happens with regards to drinking (I am an alcoholic - in recovery, thank God). I'll just be going about my business, doing great, feeling positive and FAR from relapse and then suddenly one day, out of the blue, comes that damned voice - "you could drink today." Because of my religious beliefs, I feel that this voice is Satan, of course, trying to lure me away from a life with God, doing what I was created to do. But part of me also believes that I personally am causing some of the problem, not only because I occasionally give in but because I don't find the strength or do the footwork to STOP the voice or avert the impending disaster and as always, it IS a disaster. But there's always tomorrow, and that is what I tell myself, for the food problem and the alcohol problem. With alcohol, unfortunately, there is no guarantee of tomorrow when one considers how I drink or the choices I make.

I am fascinated by this and I see LOTS of other women (usually in posts or comments I read on other blogs) struggling with that same "I can start again tomorrow" mentality surrounding diet and healthly living. If you are starting again tomorrow, something must have caused you to say "fuck it" today - WHAT IS THAT? We are fooling ourselves - we are sabotaging our own good intentions or, if you have similar beliefs to mine, we are allowing Satan to take control without resorting to God's strength to help us through the issue. I am still contemplating this whole thing - It has been apparent to me in the past few days - the issue keeps rearing its ugly head. Any words of wisdom are of course, welcome.


ClaireBoe said...

I was hoping you believed that there is a battle raging, and I read through your post and found it! Yes! The Enemy is trying to have his way with you. I get the same little voice saying, "Have a little more. It won't hurt. You DESERVE it!"

I pray in Jesus name to bind the evil that would keep me in bondage to this unhealthy fat. Instead of letting a battle rage, nip it in the bud. God will help you out of each situation. It's always worked for me.

It took years of battling this to finally begin the final countdown to a healthy weight. I have 35 down and 35 to go. :-)

Loved by Some said...

This post is right up there with my own thinking, but we are the winners over the Sabotage Monster and Mr. Negativity (as I refer to in my post at So glad you have broken the 140's. Be a while before I get there, but success is ours when we are determined. Way to go!

One thought. I found the black text on a red background difficult to read, but I did anyway and I'm glad. You are a motivation.