Monday, January 14, 2008

Starting Over, Again and Again

The starting over thing just happens over and over until you decide that you're going to JUST DO IT. I am not going to rewrite older posts of mine (where I have addressed "the decision" and "just do it") but the point is driven home each time I have to recommit to being committed. Which is like, every week. What we need to be doing, perhaps, is recommitting EVERY DAY. Just like in AA or NA or whatever 12 step program you may be familiar with, taking it "one day at a time" makes anything easier.

So just for today I will stick to my clean eating plan (Lindora being my program of choice currently) and will exercise. See, THIS I can do. Instead of seeing some long, unending stretch of deprivation and greasy sweat & grunt sessions, I can just look at today's goals. That makes it appear easier, anyway!!

Today I weigh 152.2. I've got about 17 to go until my goal of 135. It's in reach, man. And I received some new motivation the other night in a nifty brown box from Nordstrom. I received the designer jeans that my Dad bought me for Christmas. They are now altered for my height and just waiting to caress my curves. I must say, however, that I currently look a bit like a sausage in them. Total muffin-top in the back and a little bit of the mommy crepe-skin belly hangover in the front. A few weeks of cardio and clean eating will have me in these pants in no time, however.

And I'd better get a jump on it, too, because my two girlfriends came over on Saturday in their fancy jeans and I tell you, I felt like the fat girl at a school dance. Now, I am NOT saying that at 152 pounds I am hugely FAT but you know what I mean - when you're standing next to a couple people shaped like pencils, you suddenly realize that the magic-marker body you thought was pretty ok is, perhaps, in need of some work. I would settle for a crayon body, or maybe even sharpie pen. The SMALL one. Oh, I digress, yet again!

So one day at a time. Maybe I will post a picture of a pencil on the refrigerator. In designer jeans.


amma15 said...

I've never heard of Lindora, it like a raw food diet type of thing?

Yea I know what you mean-I no longer consider myself fat but I'm definitely the bigger one of my girlfriends, my college sophomore sister fluctuates between a size 0 to double-0-at her age I was like a size 8 and she's a good few inches taller than me. So yea I'm surrounded by skinny girls.

You're really close to your goal, what was your starting weight? Didn't you used to have a weight tracker thing on your blog? I remember thinking that I had a similar starting weight as you (191).

Stephanie said...

Hey Amma15 - Lindora is just a weight loss program, similar to Jenny C. or WW, really. You can check it out at I just need a structured diet to lose the weight - then we will see how I do with maintenance.

I started at 200 (well, gave birth at 220 but then when ready to lose, was at 200). It is pretty exciting to be so close to my goal. Nevermind those skinny chicks - who wants jeans the size of a barbie doll, anyway? Plus, I've noticed that my really skinny friends are really kind of wrinkly and gaunt looking in the face. I still have a healthy glow, but as I drop, my skin will show it, too, I know. Sigh - age sucks.

amma15 said...

that's so true that being thin makes you look older! I'm 23 but people always mistaken me for like 18, even 16-and I know it's mainly because of my fuller face. I don't want to look 16 but it's nice to have the youthful "glow".