I'm going through my day, making good choices about food, drinking my water, planning a workout, etc. I get off work, go pick up the kid, drive home and unload from the vehicle. I walk inside, see that the dog has ripped into a bunch of diet powder packets that I stupidly left in a large baggie that he could access and I begin to stress. I'm hollering, shoving the bad, bad beast out the door, ripping the vacuum cleaner from the closet and sighing dramatically as my son stands near the powder explosion on the carpet, pointing and repeating "Ba Ha! Ba Ha!" (That's "Bad Hoss! Bad Hoss!" for those not familiar with two-year-old speak).
So I get it all hoovered up and turn to tending to my Wyatt, who then starts clamoring for "ju eye" and "coo coos." I get his juice with ice and his cookies (which is really Oatmeal Squares Cereal, goldfish crackers - anything that I stick in his snacking container, really) and turn on Sponge Bob Squarepants, because I know that the next words out of his wee maw will be "Ba Bob, Mama." I take a deep breath and throw myself onto the couch, trying to plan what it is I am going to eat for dinner. And suddenly, I am looking at that container of coo coos and thinking, "damn, that cereal looks good."
I start with a few squares - "Oh, what is a point or two, really?" Then I move on to more squares, which I measure out in a 1/2 cup dose, minus the few I ate so that I know for sure I've eaten 2 points worth. Still trying to plot my dinner, I figure out that I will make an english muffin pizza and go downstairs to hang with Wyatt until Justin gets home. And for whatever reason, I just start eating more and more cereal. Then a few chips with hummus. Then some more cereal, then a few goldfish until suddenly I am in full-on snacking mode and just going for it. Ultimately, I ended up just eating a bowl of cereal for dinner, enough to fill me up so that I did not want anything else to eat. But I was so mad at myself for the transgression of the snack attack and for going over my points that I did not do the exercise I had planned to do. I was too "depressed." Whatever, Stephanie!
I am WELL AWARE that this time period, say, from 5:45 to 7:00-ish, is by far the hardest time for me to avoid overeating. I am usually hungry, tired and tense from working all day and then wrangling with my son while we wait for Daddy to get home. It is a STRESS eating event, for sure. Even if I am not hungry, I WANT to eat. And its not like I want to eat garbage foods, necessarily - I just want to eat whatever is available, which is usually cereal, whole-grain chips, hummus, dried apricots, etc. But no matter the quality of the food, it can still cause weight problems when eaten in excess. It occurred to me last night and again, this morning, that I really need to make some sort of plan for myself so that I don't continue to sabotage my weight loss efforts.
Today, I made a point of eating less points for breakfast and my morning snack. I am going to try and move some of my points down into the day so that I CAN eat a snack when I get home and not go over points. It's that deprivation mindset that washes over me like a tidal wave at times... Being on WW has really helped with that but still - it comes back now and again. The baby in me screams "WHY can't I eat 3 cups of cereal? WHY?" And then I have to remind myself - "Oh yeah - I have 9 more pounds to lose... plus, if I eat like that often, I will gain back the weight I've already lost..." It is a battle - not so constant anymore, but still I am forced to fight at least a few times per week.
I have to keep my goal in mind and I have to keep my core reason for getting to that goal crystal clear in my mind - I want to have another baby - SOON. And I want to have a healthy pregnancy this time - I don't want to feel like an over-inflated zepplin who can barely reach her ass when she has to wipe it. I want to feel healthy and happy - because it is likely going to be my last pregnancy and I really want to enjoy it.
So - I am committing to sticking to my points today and also, to do my workout tonight. I get so tired sometimes and that is such an easy excuse for not wanting to workout - for example, tonight I won't even get a chance to workout until at least 9PM. But - I've got to do it and I will do it because it is a decision I've made to be healthy. A DECISION, not an attempt. There is a huge difference between the two.