Tuesday, May 20, 2008

HYC Check In / Trying to Be SANE Today

Turns out I am having my little womanly surgery next Wednesday, May 28. Eeeew! I am not looking forward to it at all but a part of me is relieved to be having it done sooner rather than later. I am wavering between sadness and fear - back and forth, back and forth. Of course I am scared that they might find something awful in there but even more, I am afraid that having the surgery itself may make having another baby a problem.

I've done a lot of reading about these cone biopsies and have certainly read plenty of positive outcomes for people so - I am just focusing on living one day at a time instead of catastrophizing everything and in my mind. If I let myself, I can work myself up into a full-fledged scenario of me, in a hospital bed, fading off into death at a mere 39 years old...I know, I can't keep being so negative but hey, you know what? That shit happens. Until I receive the news after the surgery, however, I will do my best to maintain a postive attitude. Screw you, you nasty little abnormal dysplasia cell a-holes. Go away - we don't need you here!

On the health front... I've gained a few pounds. The jeans are feeling a mite bit tight today... It's only about 3 or 4 pounds but still - I'm disappointed. Of course, I knew I would gain weight because HELLO - I'm doing plenty of emotional eating - but it still sucks to see those numbers on the scale. What I NEED to do is to just make sure I am exercising - I've had a bad attitude about that lately, too. If only I could take care of myself the way that I try to take care of others. I would be so healthy and in fantastic shape!

Signing off now - my husband has some special thing planned for us tonight and will be here any time now. We didn't get to celebrate our anniversary 2 weeks ago so we are doing it tonight, instead. Of course, I am hoping it is an amazing meal of some kind!! Some things never change.

7 comments:

Blubba said...

Best of luck on the surgery. I hope all goes well.

dadivastreet said...

Happy belated Anniversary! Wishing you well on the procedure!

Mama Bear June said...

Hope you have a fun anniversary celebration. Will pray your surgery goes well and they find nothing bad.
Path to Health

Sandy Mc said...

I popped over from Mel's blog....

Wishing you well on the surgery. I had the dysplasia thing come up for me about 3 years ago. Did some checking and decided to try boosting my immune system and seeing if it got better. Three months later, a recheck and it was resolved on it's own just like I read it might:)

Missie said...

Steph,
Thinking of you today and hoping your surgery goes well.
Missie

Emily said...

I'm glad everything went well darling. By the way, you have got to update your other blog, that's the fun one with pictures and stuff! Ha!Ha!

Catalin said...

Good words.