Monday, June 30, 2008

HYC Check-In / The WHY of Emotional Eating - Do We Really HAVE to Know?

I read a lot of weight loss blogs and the comments of other readers often, usually on a daily basis. There is a recurrent issue that I see pop up and it has recently begun to bug me - like, make me want to write long comments and risk the wrath of other commenters who think I am being mean and awful and uncaring. Well, damn it, this is MY blog and I am just going to say this stuff because it helps ME - if you don't like what I say, well - it's been nice having you visit.

So here's the issue... Why, if we are here to help each other, do I read so many comments that actually ENABLE destructive eating and inaction toward reaching goals? For example - One blogger that I read often is really having a struggle with "getting back on track." She is intentionally overeating and is gaining back her weight - slowly, but it's happening. She continues to spiral, though she claims to remain positive in the face of her own ruthless self-sabotage. The comments are positive, of course - supportive and loving, to some degree. But nobody says what needs to be said. Instead, people suggest that she should take time to find out WHY she is doing this to herself. Strip your soul bare, figure out what makes you want to overeat, analyze your feelings and somehow, that is going to make this woman completely change her life patterns and stop trashing herself. My question is, does it really matter WHY she is doing it? To me, the answer is to STOP doing it, not become stagnant as you wallow around in the mire of feelings and emotions. Those nasty things will adhere to your ankles and keep pulling you under until you just give up the fight. Taking a stand against yourself is a lot harder than simply giving in and letting the waves of self-pity and doubt drown you.

Now before you start calling me a big ol' bitch, just consider this - Sometimes we really NEED someone to say "Snap out of it and stop feeling sorry for yourself." And sometimes, that someone HAS to be us - because nobody else is going to give us the cold, hard truth - at least not in your blog comments. A really good friend MIGHT do it but even then... usually not. I believe that we don't give that cold truth to people because we don't want to hear it ourselves. We want life to be nice and simple and wow, if only I find out WHY I make such screwed up decisions by reading the right book or getting the right therapist or joining the right group or finding the right religious belief THEN I will have the answer and all will suddenly be RIGHT. I will be FIXED. And then life will be PERFECT. It's just another pipe dream, though - just because you find out WHY you act a certain way is not going to stop you from acting that way.

I know this from experience because I am an alcoholic and have been living with this internal fight for a very long time. WHY I drink or WHY I am an alcoholic, while important, is not what keeps me from drinking. I've known why I am an alcoholic for many, many years but that did not stop me from nearly destroying my entire life and the lives of others around me. I have to actively make choices to take care of myself every single day and that requires work - it requires accountability, responsibility, and discipline. Because I tell you, if I just sat around wondering why I was a lush all the time (and I did, for YEARS) I would just keep getting drunk. Thinking too much is what keeps alcoholics drinking - at least this alcoholic. I KNOW that I drink because of things that happened to me in the past but I can't dwell on those things if I am going to live a good life. I acknowledge those things but I don't waste time hanging out with them. Action (and a lot of prayer) is how I get out of myself and my feelings. Feelings are not facts - that has been a hard lesson for me and one that I have to keep re-digesting.

For me, the weight loss process is very similar to my alcoholism because I am an emotional eater. I eat to escape my feelings, just like I drink to escape feelings. I don't see the two being very different, at least for me. So when I see people advising others to sit and ponder their weight problem or why they are sabotaging themselves or whatever, I just get the urge to scream "Stop now, before your life passes you by!" Don't think about it too long or before you know it, you will be 40, 50, 60, 70, whatever and the best years of your life will have been spent on examining the WHY, without taking action toward the WHY NOT. Don't stagnate - don't be caught in analysis paralysis. Take ACTION. And you just might find, as I have, that a lot of the WHY is actually discovered during action.

Have a great week, everyone.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

HYC Check In: Can't Complain!

Well, I'm sure I could come up with something to complain about but my title has to do with the fact that I am just not feeling very disgruntled or unhappy right now - what a shocker! I saw my headshrinker this morning and he said that I appeared to be doing very good. Well hey - thanks! I'm sure it has a lot to do with the fact that I am being good to myself, eating all kinds of fruits and vegetables and working out to Turbo Jam into the wee hours of the night. Last night it was 9:30PM and all I wanted to do was drag my ass into bed but NO - instead, I dragged my ass downstairs and did 43 minutes of high-intensity cardio. THEN I had a WW ice cream and went to bed. Now that is the way to end a day.

I had lost 2 pounds when I weighed in on Saturday, so I am at 148, officially. I'm trying not to weigh in at all on my own scale and just stick to what I see at WW. I find that I am incredibly disciplined during the week with food and exercise but then, well - Saturday and Sunday get a little hairy and I have not TRACKED during those days for the last two weeks. Still, I've lost 3.2 since getting back to business at WW so - just think of what I could do if I actually kept track of stuff on the weekends! Perhaps that will be a goal this weekend - or perhaps not. Today I am not feeling especially pressured to lose it fast - tomorrow I could feel totally different!

I think we have finally found a new house to rent, as the one that we are currently living in is being sold. We were going to buy but I tell you those lenders are tight as HELL right now and we couldn't get approved for what we want so - we are just going to rent again. Nice thing is, we found a gorgeous, brand new house for rent so - that's fine with me! I really don't mind renting, despite all of the hype about home ownership being the shit and all. I've owned two homes and neither one of them really did me any good! We will buy eventually but for now... it's rent city. And in keeping with my current laid back attitude, that's cool... But this all means I will be having to pack up all my crap within the next month. Ugh.

Hope everyone is doing great at HYC!

Monday, June 9, 2008

HYC Check In - It's All Good

My test results came back okay - well, I mean, okay as in - I'm not dying of cancer! Apparently it was a good thing that they did this particular type of biopsy because there was some moderate to severe dysplasia that was traveling up my cervix toward the uterus but the biopsy was significant enough to remove it all. There are a few other bits I could share but eew, gross - let's just say I am good for now. I will have another pap in 4 months and see what's up. If the dysplasia cells are not back, I will be in the clear to begin trying to conceive again. Yay! Now I can just concentrate on shrinking my butt instead.

Went to WW on Saturday - lost 1.2 so not too bad but I think it should have been more. That's just my personal thought and all - I don't care what my body thinks, that is what I, my BRAIN, thinks. I have been working my buns off to the Turbo Jam DVDs. Man, that Punch, Kick and Jam one is a KILLER - I mean, I am absolutely dripping the sweat - and I am in pretty good shape! Anyone who says Turbo Jam "didn't work" wasn't doing something right!

I have been perusing the WW chat boards lately and I am always amazed to see some of the comments. Recently someone asked for some DVD recommendations and of course, I recommended Hip Hop Abs and Turbo Jam because both have given me great results. I checked back later to see what other folks had said and at least two people said that Hip Hop Abs "didn't work" for them. One of the women actually said that she'd done it "twice" and it didn't help her abs so she wasn't using it and wouldn't recommend it. OMG, people - it is not an INSTANT life change these videos offer - you actually have to use them consistently for WEEKS and MONTHS to see positive, long term results. It just cracks me up how we are often seeking such instant gratification or satisfaction from things - myself included much of the time! I want to take a pill or read a book and be instantly changed forever for the good - I am looking for the SECRET, you know? But hey - I found out that there is no secret, at least to losing weight. Eat less, move more - that's how it works. Simple, but very difficult at the same time.

Anyway - enough from me. My HYC Check in is EARLY. I can't believe it. Hope everyone is doing great.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

HYC Check In - Doing Okay Today

Well, the surgery went fine. And frankly, it was no big deal. I really have not had any significant pain (tylenol and/or ibuprofen took care of it) and I was out shopping for clothes with my mom the very next day.

I am still waiting to hear if the pathology people Found Anything. It has been 5 business days, guys - Hell-O! Part of me is absolutely certain they are going to tell me everything is fine, come back for another lovely pap smear in 3 months, blah blah blah. Another part of me is certain that I will hear I have cancer and have to have an immediate hysterectomy and chemo. There is no middle ground in my mind! However, I will try to contain my morbid thoughts until I hear the official word which should be any time now. I have a follow up appointment scheduled for next Wednesday so perhaps they are waiting to spread the joy until next week? Hmmm...

In other news, I am "back in the saddle" on the weight loss front. I am back to 148, after a brief visit to 152. Am working out like a mad woman and tracking my WW points religiously. My goal (yes, I have actually set a goal this time - like ON PAPER, even) is to be at goal by July 12. That is six weeks - I know I can do it. I am tired of messing around. PLUS - now that I've had this surgery, I can't get pregnant for at least 4 months, possibly more, so why not use that time to get in the best shape of my life? My husband is talking about going on an amazing vacation to the British Virgin Islands in October so I would like to look amazing for that little event. I've got the time here to do it so - I just need to get off my ass and do it.

Will keep all posted on the cervical drama and my weekly WW weigh in on Saturday. I go at the ungodly hour of 7:30AM on Saturdays - not because it fits my schedule best or is convenient or any of that - I want to be able to weigh right as I get out of bed and before I take in a drop of liquid. I don't know how people can STAND to weigh in in the evening! It would drive me nuts. Anyway - that's what's going on for me today. Living one day at a time....