Hello, fellow blogsters - let's give a big warm welcome back to ME!!!! And thanks to those of you who have expressed concern as to my brief hiatus from blogging - well, I guess it was more like two months. That's not so brief, now, is it? Well, shit, I've just been BUSY. Busy overeating, busy not working out, busy wasting time - you know, THAT kind of busy. The kind of busy when one just doesn't really feel like doing a lot of self-examination and reflection - the DENIAL kind of busy. The busy that you just keep buzzing away at until one day you pull on your jeans and you realize that your ass has expanded so much that you can't walk comfortably, seeings as the seam of your jeans is digging into your unmentionables.
Yeah, so - anyway, that's where I am at. And not very happy about it but hey - I'm back and at least thinking about taking better care of myself again so... that's progress in my book. Last night I even washed my face. So there - total self-improvement is just inches beyond my grasp, I can tell.
As described above, my pants are tight, which means I've definitely put a few pounds on the old keester. I've not been wanting to wear my fancy jeans (translation: jeans I would have never paid that much money for but since they were a gift from my parents I am fine wearing them) because I get that dreaded sausage-like overhang at the hip (also known as "muffin top" or "bra sausage" when found on the upper body) and feel like I have to wear extremely long shirts to keep those fleshy ledges under wraps. I used to complain about the long length of tee shirts lately but this past weekend I found myself admiring the long tops at Target and appreciating their fat-covering qualities. I knew it then - I was expanding and compensating for it, rather than saying "WTF! Drop the fork!"
I probably weigh about 153, I would venture to guess. I will weigh myself tomorrow morning and confirm the awful truth. Actually, you know, it's not awful - it just is what it is. At least it's not 200 - that is a number I NEVER want to see again, and I am nowhere near it so - phew! Sometimes I think about all of the weight I've lost and I think, "Jeez, it used to be 70 to lose - now I have only 20 to lose - I know I can do it, as I've already done it twice plus 10 so - what's the damned problem?" Commitment. Dedication. Not being a lazy ass or making excuses to eat crap I shouldn't. I am under no illusions. This is my deal - nobody else's. I just need to decide and do it.
Okay, so - Hope everyone has a great week and I promise to be back here next week. I will drink my water and eat my protein and uh, NOT eat crap. Oh - and I will exercise at least 3 times. Sometimes making those mini-goals are all I can manage. Like I said, it's all progress in the right direction - self-care. I'm not very good at that, but I am glad that I can see it now, and acknowledge it, and try to do better.
Alright - I am going to wash my face now. Two days in a row...it's almost a habit.