Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Pressured to Produce...And it Worked

Well, I am sitting here and it is damned late and I was just screwing off on the Internet and HAPPENED to look at my blog and I saw that someone added a comment on my last entry and I see it is MIZFIT who is all, like - "SO?" As in, where is that entry you promised to do...ahem? Thanks, chick...I really was planning to just pack it in and call it a night. My kid is in bed (FINALLY), my husband went out to drink beer with his brother (THANK GOD) and I am sitting here on the couch with the main menu of SpongeBob Squarepants' "Bikini Bottom Adventures" playing over and over and over as I peruse the Internet for some form of entertainment. All's I gotta say is...You Tube is completely overrated, although I am fond of the Ghetto Gumby clip that I have watched repetitively and memorized lines from.

I had a long day. I had a settlement conference with a client - it settled, but it sucked, as far as I'm concerned. And it's not about money, it's about assholes. But I digress...I had an okay week, not so great on the exercise front and I probably ate more than my fair share of everything. My husband and I are driving to Butte, MT tomorrow night to go to the State Bar Convention (yes, it sounds incredibly boring) so I won't really be able to exercise much and I am sure he will be trying to do that special form of "exercise" that all husbands seem to want to do whenever they get near a hotel room, sans child. Mmm hmmm - can't wait for that. I am just feeling a bit blah this week..,. sorry. Good thing I will see the headshrinker tomorrow morning, though I guess I will just be faking my way through that shit, just like I do most things. Eeeew, get off the pity pot, NOW. I command me.

So yesterday on Mizfit's website she talked about the abundance diet concept - you know, if you fill your cupboards with all of your forbidden foods, you will eventually tire of them and relax about it and stop obsessing - I am sure I'm not explaining it nearly as good as her so maybe you should just go to her site. I have no f-ing idea how to do a little "click here" link thing so, uh - good luck finding her. Go into my comments on my last entry and click on her name - how's that for guidance? I never said I was an Internet genius, okay? ANYWAY - it got me to thinkin' about that concept and how if I stocked my cabinets with, say, pop tarts and chocolate chip cookies and whole milk and frozen pizzas and Coke Classic and God only knows what else I would come up with, would I REALLY just eat that for weeks on end or would I eventually return to eating more healthful things? And THAT got me to thinkin' about why I overeat, how I overeat and why I feel there are forbidden foods in the first place.

I'm an emotional eater. When I am pissed off, I will eat AT something - usually my husband, who is generally always "concerned" for me and my extra 20 pounds. (Never mind the f-ing fact that I've LOST over 50). If I am upset or angry about something, stressed out, tired - whatEVER - I will eat in response. Another bad habit - if there is something "bad" in the house and I have the opportunity (read - he is not there or not watching) I will eat it just...because I have that opportunity. How stupid is that?

But if I actually filled the pantry with stuff I love, would I just blow up like a giant, used-car lot balloon? I don't know, really. It is scary to even contemplate. The thing is, though, even if there is fairly healthy stuff, like decent cereal and skim milk, for example - I will still intentionally overeat that stuff when I am upset. So - I don't know that it really matters WHAT is in the cupboards. It is more like what is in my HEAD. Although I must say that there are currently two Hershey Bars in my pantry and there used to be four - things like that tend to call my name louder than oatmeal or hummus, you know?

I don't know if that was much use to anyone but I wanted to muse about it a bit and so...there you go. Okay, everyone have a good week and I will try to be nicer to myself. And not eat too much crap at the Bar Convention, though I doubt there will be much good shit there. I will try not to die of boredom, surrounded by my endlessly fascinating colleagues. Wish me luck. I may be so bored I do another blog entry. How novel.


MizFit said...

I should feel horrible.


Toddler calls but you now have me thinking about hummus calling my name...and if that would, FOR ME, be better? or still empowering food to too great a degree.

Ill be back---
(please to read like Schwarzenegger)

Missie said...

Glad to hear you are still out there and didn't get abducted by aliens. ;)

I have a contest going on over at my blog, come check it out.