Tuesday, November 4, 2008

HYC Check In - Hanging In There

Hey all - It's been a crazy week. I've dealt with a puking toddler, a husband with what appears to be a freaking flesh-eating mange of some kind, my own puking sickness - what a mess. And to top it all off, my son woke me at 2AM this morning "mama, mama" and I discovered that he had thrown up all over in his crib. He has been barfing like this on and off for a week now, but has no fever and no other malaise at all. The kid is FINE, except when his "baby" hurts. (My sister-in-law's pregnancy got Wyatt started calling his tummy his "baby" so now he tells me that his baby has an owie).

I just have to say, though, that last night, in the midst of my bleary-eyed vomit-scraping and wiping duties, I fell in love with my son again, like I do over and over. You know, motherhood can be such a struggle - you love them so much, but then they swat you in the face or throw food across the room or just act like a crazy banshee at Costco while waiting in the line at the pharamacy and you want to THROTTLE them. You actually feel pissed off at them, as if they are intentionally being bratty to ruin your day (how mature we are...sigh). When you put them down to bed at night, you sometimes breath a gigantic sigh of relief because whew! what a relief to be done with all drama. But then, so quickly it seems, those feelings of anger or frustration are replaced by love - such an intense love, I can hardly stand it and just want to eat him up, he is so cute.

Last night I had taken all of his clothes off and had him laying on the little couch in his room, naked and tucked under a towel and I sat down next to him. I stroked his face and hair and he just looked up at me with the sweetest, most adorable look in his eyes and I could really see his neediness, his dependence, on me, his mother. He looked at me as if I was a superhero, a superhero that he thought the world of. It was only for a few seconds, that moment, but it just burned that image into my mind.

Later, after I cleaned up all the barf and yuck, I set up camp on the floor next to his crib (yes, we are almost to converting the crib to a bed, any day now as he is almost 3) and he reached through the bars for my hand and said, "I wuh you, Mama." Could you just melt? I didn't care that I had just spent the last hour picking up partially-digested green beans and gummi bears. I didn't care that I was laying on our itchy carpet with an old comforter partially over me and totally uncomfortable. Nothing mattered except making sure that my son was comfortable and that he knew that I loved him more than anything else in the world. And this morning, when he woke up and saw me sleeping there, he said, "Mama? Mama?" I said "Yes" and he said, "I wuh you, Mama." It reassured me and made me believe that the actions I take when he is upset or sick or having a hard time are making an impact and that he feels the love. Sometimes, being a mom is just GRAND.

As for my weight, well - I'm hanging in. Not really dieting, per se, but at least not on full tilt feeding frenzy. Have compiled a list of all of my favorite foods and am currently calculating calories and points for all of them so that when I do begin in earnest, I can eat what I LIKE. Strangely, I had never really taken the time to actually document what I like to eat. You'll be amazed how a lot of healthy things end up on that list! Hope everyone has a great week.