Tuesday, February 17, 2009

HYC Check-In: A Fresh Start...AGAIN!

Yeah, so - I am starting over again. I got a "little crazy" these last few months. Have not been myself - have been mistreating myself royally. As a result, I've gained back, uh, about 15 pounds. It is unfortunate but a reality I have to just face and then move to change. And I am ready to do it now.

In 17 weeks, I will be 40 years old. I am SO TIRED of being an unhappy mess. For years I have been out of sorts, wandering in and out of addictions that kill off my self-esteem and happiness, finding hope for awhile, and then getting sucked back under by that nasty part of me that wants to off me for good. Really - it's ugly stuff. Things are getting better here slowly lately, mostly because I am finally being HONEST with others about where I am and what I've been up to. I've learned that I will never get better if I am not honest with others and more importantly, myself. It just won't work.

My focus here in the near future is really just going to be overall improvement. Weight is one factor but there are a lot of other ways that I've let myself go, too. So the plan is to make small changes (instead of gigantic ones that overwhelm me) and try to slowly but surely start showing myself the respect that I am so certain others deserve but for whatever reason, I rarely show myself.

The typical dieter in me says "I'm going to be fabulous by my 40th!!" That would be cool, but that is not the ultimate goal. I want to be HAPPY, even if that means that I will still have a little muffin top or a permanent dent of cellulite on my thigh.

Cool stuff going on - Still loving Curves (doing it with my new fun friend, Krista), reading the Twilight series and totally digging it, the firm is doing well enough and despite a lot of spats recently, I am feeling nicer toward my husband. That's always good, you know.

Have a great week, everyone.

2 comments:

Missie said...

good girl. It's all about the small steps, remember that. Each day, you have to chose the road you are going down. Don't be overwhelmed by ALL the things you want to change, just focus on one small thing today. All you can worry about is today.

you are doing great!

Cammy said...

You know I'm all over the small changes. :)

Wishing you strength and tenacity...