Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I Couldn't Help Myself...

To all of my friends and family who don't believe that lawyers are funny or truthful:

I got a letter from this stupid collection agency recently trying to collect on a $52 bill from our idiot cable providers, Bresnan. So – I sent them a letter of representation from our firm (on our firm letterhead) telling them that we disputed it. I get a letter back from them telling me that I need to have a signed authorization from Justin establishing that we are allowed to represent him - WE - as in OUR law firm. So I sent them this note, with his signature. SEE BELOW – and don’t miss his signature oath, which is really the best part.

S.P. Brockett
CMI / Credit Management, LP

RE: Justin B. / Bresnan Communications

Dear Mr. Brockett:

This letter is in response to your letter dated January 27, 2009, regarding your need for a signed authorization from Justin B. On behalf of our long-term and trusted client, Justin B. (who also happens to be an OWNER of the firm, along with his long-term and trusted wife, Stephanie, yours truly), we wish to supply you with such signed authorization and assurance that Mr. B. has requested our services.

By the genuine handwritten signature that you will note below, Mr. B. grants his own law firm, K. & B., PC, the exclusive right to represent him in this high stakes case surrounding the alleged non-payment of a cable services bill from the notorious and often-maligned monster cable conglomerate, Bresnan Communications. We certainly hope that you find this authorization to be a shining beacon of staunch authenticity, burgeoning with the hallowed hallmarks of veracity and truth, such as real live blue ink and a notary seal from our long-term and trusted paralegal, Ms. M.

Should you have any further concerns or comments, please feel free to contact us here at the K. & B. law firm.


Stephanie B.

YEA, I do so solemnly swear and abide that I have granted my own law firm and, in particular, my lovely wife, Stephanie B., permission to represent me in the above-referenced matter. Hear ye, my CMI brothers and sisters, as my voice ringeth forth over the blue waters of truth and fortitude, now and forever after shall your troubled hearts rest in the peaceful, comforting knowledge that even a lawyer tells the truth on occasion.

Justin B.

We included a notary seal, too, for good measure.

How's that for some attitude?


Anonymous said...

Why don't you just pay your bill?

Missie said...

Ohmygoodness! THAT is the funniest thing I have read in a long time! Good for you!

Stephanie said...

Why don't YOU (commenter number 1) kiss my ass? Why don't you leave your name? Why would I pay a bill I don't owe?

Missie said...

Stephanie, don't take this the wrong way, but I love you! I was so hoping you would address that comment.

Like you went through all that education and expense to become a lawyer and weren't aware that maybe if you owed a bill, you should pay it. And maybe if you didn't owe a bill, you could dispute it. Good thing that commenter came along and set you straight! ;)

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