Thursday, August 5, 2010

My New Thing: Precision Nutrition's Lean Eating Program

Hello - This week I started my new "thing." It's called exactly what I said up there in the title and I'm not typing it again. Basically it is a six month program that promises if I do everything they say, I will lose weight and get in better shape. They even claim that every single person who has followed the program without deviating has either reached or surpassed their fitness goals. Okay, well - I'm game.

This was a big commitment for me. It's not some diet I just signed up for and can give up on in a month or so. It is a daily thing where I log in, do a daily workout, learn new habits and stay accountable. There is also the cool benefit of a discussion forum in which I can chat with people all over the globe who are in my PN Lean Eating group with my same coach. I am really enjoying everything thus far.

This week I am learning two habits - Do my daily work outs and take a multivitamin and fish oil. Uh, that is all they're asking of me thus far. So far, no crazy restrictive eating rules and frankly, from what I already know of Precision Nutrition, that is never going to be the case. I mean, I am not going to get an amazing body by eating mac and cheese and Butterfinger Crisps (those things are like CRACK) but there is room for a few treats every week while building a stronger and healthier body by good nutrition and tough workouts. So I am stoked - God, I am old - who says stoked anymore?

So if you are interested in learning more about the program I am embarking on, you can go to and check it out for yourself. I will be taking measurements and my "before" photos this weekend - it's all becoming very real! So wish me luck and check back to see if I am continuing on this path - I happily accept all encouragement!

Have a great evening!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Positive Change on the Horizon

I've no time to discuss it now but things are looking up for me lately. I had a second knee surgery and that was no fun but am recuperating well and PT is going much better this time around.

Anyway, I am super excited about my upcoming plans for taking positive steps forward to improving my life. I will be back to explain more fully and actually will be back to blogging on a regular basis within the next few weeks.

And I finally got a new digital camera so I will be able to do more pics and maybe even a little video or two. I am going to flex my tech skills - see what I'm made of. :-)

Looking forward to a new journey - check back soon!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Falling Apart at the Seams...But Still Kicking!

Hey - Yeah, I am still here. It has been eight weeks since my surgery (and seven since my last post, apparently). Life has been...shall we say... trying. My knee decided that it was not going to straighten, no matter how much physical therapy or pain pills I threw at it. And I threw a lot of pain pills at it, which only brought my insane addict out and got me going on a pill bender (I have since kicked that to the curb, thankyouverymuch - with the help of God and my AA posse and family...) When the addict gets crazy, my whole life is affected. Work slides, stress builds, I get really nasty - oh, and I just stop taking my Prozac. Yeah, my family REALLY likes it when that happens.

In the past week, the knee has suddenly decided to be cooperative, which is likely due in part to the threat of another surgery, new PT exercises aimed at my hip and ankle, of all places, and just...I don't know. I don't understand what changed. Certainly not my shitty attitude. But I'll take the progress because the last thing I want is to have to have another surgery and go back on the f-ing pills and have to pry myself off of them yet again.

Then there is the whole weight loss thing. I am fat. My husband says so and I agree. He is all pissed off at me because I apparently don't make it a priority to make myself attractive to him. Despite the fact that my husband is wonderful and has put up with an immense amount of drama and has willingly allowed himself to be educated about addiction/alcoholism, etc - he still just doesn't GET IT sometimes. And it is probably because I don't really tell him where I AM - I tell him where he wants me to be. Or I just say I'm "fine," and he accepts it. The fact is that I'm not fine and the past 8 weeks have been awful and I've really just been trying to keep my sanity and not drive off out of here or get wasted. I have not been focused on doing Medifast. Sorry. But he doesn't understand that. He says I should be able to do it all at once. It's the same refrain I've been hearing - if you really cared you would just stop - everything. NOW. I want to. But sometimes, choosing to eat something shitty takes the place of stopping off for an 18 pack. Sorry, again. But its the truth.

I am so not looking for sympathy - I know where to find that (between "shit" and "syphllis" in the dictionary, per my grandmother). No - I am just venting. I need to vent. I get tired of pretending that everything is fine when really, everything is fucked up - I am fucked up. I don't like to tell anyone I am fucked up because oh my God, what then? Will my sweet image be disturbed? Will people not trust me? Will I have to admit that I am not perfect? That's part of it - I make myself sick sometimes when I see how self-centered and vain I can be. So much so that I won't help myself be sharing with others about who I really am or what is really going on. So I thought I might start here. Maybe. We'll see.

Alright well I feel a little better. Now I have to go finish some work that I HATE. Then I will ride my new exercise bike and eat an "on plan" meal and try not to feel overwhelmed by the coming week.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Recovery Daze

It has been a week since my surgery - I had it last Friday afternoon. This has been quite an ordeal, truly. I had been under the misguided assumption that this was going to be a fairly easy surgery and that I would be on my feet again within a couple of days and back to work by Monday. WRONG. This has sucked - I have been in a huge amount of pain, had a lot of nasty swelling and discomfort and I have been out of work for a full week, perched in a giant green rented recliner in my living room with little cooler unit pumping ice water through a tube over my throbbing knee.

We rented this recliner from "Rent-A-Center." Now, I've never rented anything from a place like RAC, but I know a lot of folks do it to basically acquire things that they really can't afford but with low monthly payments can "rent" to own them (translation - pay 5 times the actual cost). So we go into this place and first of all, I notice that the joint is hopping at 10 in the morning - I mean, there are a lot of people in the market to rent shit! I also realize that you can rent just about anything from RAC - it's not just furniture. It's huge flat screen TV's, it's computers, cameras, stereos - all kinds of stuff I'd never imagined you might rent.

So we arrive and find the guy my husband had spoken to by phone. We just wanted to rent a recliner for a few weeks so that I would have somewhere comfortable to sit and sleep while having my knee somewhat elevated. The guy presents us with this form that you would not believe - I mean, you would have thought we were getting a mortgage, they needed so much information. At first it was kind of funny but by the time I got to the part requiring 4 personal references, I was pissed off and started making shit up. I was scheduled to have surgery in an hour - I did not have time for this crap. I could go on and on but let's just say I got my recliner and it is a real beauty... a lovely shade of what my dad would call "calf shit green." Do you know, though, that those freaks actually called my dad in California and asked him if he had seen us recently, how stable he thought we were and if our business was successful? All this for a piece of junk Shopko recliner that I would have in my possession for 3 weeks ($60 bucks plus free delivery - can't beat that, can ya?!). I guess the usual RAC clientele must be a bit questionable...

Yeah, the whole surgery thing has thrown me off a bit. I am one of those people that bounces back fairly quickly from ailments - I am healthy and I usually heal quickly. I am generally NOT a pussy about pain, etc. but this - this has definitely been a different experience. I've never had a major injury or a major surgery (a boob job does not qualify for major surgery) and so this has set me back on my heels a little. It actually makes me more appreciative of being healthy and not having to have gone through this a number of times - and wow, what about people that get in awful accidents or suffer massive tramatic injury? How do they cope? Jeez, all I did was tear a ligament. I realize it could be way worse and I am grateful, truly, for the minimal nature of the problem when compared to others but still - it has been an ordeal for me and I trying to keep myself from feeling depressed. Getting out and about has been helpful - I can't wait to go to an AA meeting tomorrow morning and just hang with the chicks.

Well, my in-laws just pulled up so I need to put away the computer and socialize - I invited them here, after all!

Monday, March 8, 2010

And So I Begin Again...the Downward Trek (as in POUNDS!)

I started Medifast yesterday. Not so bad - the chicken noodle soup was actually GOOD. The bars were pretty good, albeit very small. But the oatmeal - yeah, Lyn over at Escape From Obesity is right about that crap. Ugh. Soymeal is more like it. Must figure out a way to improve that stuff. Or just eat the pudding instead, because that stuff rocked! Oh, and I lost 3 pounds overnight but I suppose that is to be expected after the first day of a diet, eating about half the calories I usually eat.

In other news, I will be having my surgery for my knee on Friday. I am actually HAPPY about that because I am tired of scuttling around like an injured crab. And also, just knowing that I am going to have to go through all of this shit all over again (another recovery after surgery) is downright annoying. So yes, I am happy that the surgery is sooner rather than later.

This week shouldn't be too bad for me. I finished a gigantic brief last week that was really weighing on my mind but it is filed and done and now I can focus on a few other matters that need my attention. And just prepare myself for surgery and getting my work life and home ready for it, too.

And, I know I don't talk about this very often because OMG, how would I feel if you people (who I don't even KNOW, really) actually knew who I really was, eeek! But I am just going to say it because I can't keep hiding who I am. Today is my seventeenth day of sobriety - I've been struggling for decades but the last year and a half has really been tough for me, not able to put together much more than a week at a time. It's alcohol, it's drugs, it's whatever I can get my damned hands on. Anything that numbs me to reality, really. So - there. Just wanted to share that little tidbit because I want to start chronicling my recovery-related issues here, too. I am happy today, feeling good, and doing the things I need to do for my recovery. Yay!

Now I'd better get to work and stop f-ing off. :-)

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Coming Attractions...New Knee, New Diet...

I found out that my supposed torn meniscus was actually a completely torn ACL so shit, I am having surgery very soon to fix that. I hear that an ACL injury is actually better to have than meniscus injury so - I'm not complaining. I just didn't realize that I had really hurt myself like that. When the NP told me, I actually felt EMOTIONAL. Can you believe it? Crying about a torn ACL? What a sap. I guess I just felt sad that after 40 years of near perfect health (no broken bones, horrid diseases, etc) I had finally truly damaged my body. Funny, I didn't seem bothered when I was swilling vodka and eating pills - no damage in that, right?! Our own perception of reality is so... f-ed up sometimes!!!

So I also just committed myself to a new diet. OMG I have to do something. I am so fat again. How did it happen? Too much food and not enough exercise - same old shit. I am signed up for Medifast - We'll see how it goes. I do pretty well on diets that have very little variety and very few choices to make. I am making a firm commitment to it, though, for at least 12 weeks. My big box of "STUFF" should be here next week from them so I will be starting soon. I will do my best to chronicle my experience here but you know I am kind of lame about that.

Hope everyone is great. I will find out when my surgery is next week - eek! Not looking forward to it but I am looking forward to being able to walk again normally. That would be nice.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Well, I am still here...

Hi - sorry for the long absence. I've just been a bit, uh, well... depressed? Not into it? Busy? No explanation needed, really, but I just wanted to say that I am still alive and kicking. Had a miscarriage in October that really threw me for a loop - I gained 25 pounds so am now back to my lovely little butterball self. Not going to be hard on myself right now, however.

This past Sunday I fell while skiing and tore my meniscus. I don't know if it is going to require surgery or not - I will find out more next Tuesday when I go back to orthopedic folks. I am on crutches and that, my friends, SUCKS. I am a helpless blob, which I can't stand! But learning to ask for and accept help is good for me - at least that is what counselor says.

I've no time to really get into anything right now (supposed to be working and not doing a very good job of it) but I was just tired of seeing that September 2009 entry... Will be back for some good shit later. :-)

Hope everyone out there is doing okay!