Monday, July 30, 2012
Coming Out on Top
I love this photo and its totally insulting sentiment. In fact, it is my current desktop photo on my computer. It makes me laugh every day (mostly because I am thinking of Gene Wilder saying nasty things to those horrid children). But it also reminds me of how I am trying to shift my thinking a bit - Less toward you and controlling YOU and more toward me and making choices around what is good for me (instead of what will make you happy or "not mad" at me). I'm sure you understand.
This past week my parents came to visit. Now, normally this would send me into all kinds of craziness and usually, into drinking or using and getting into drama with my husband. But this time, I decided ahead of time that I was going to stay sober and keep my head about me. I made a little schedule of "events" that outlined for myself and my parents exactly what the plan for the day would be - every day. I got in my 12 step meetings. I made time to exercise. I worked when I needed to work. And I just really tried not to take anything my parents said or did personally.
I was not always successful - I did get a little stressed out in the last day or two. But even then, I tried to stop and step away, even if just mentally (thank you, Hunger Games decoupage project) to get my stress level down and eliminate that tight feeling I get in my chest when I am about to scream or throw something.
One of the more amazing things that I was able to do, from a pure vanity perspective, was maintain my weight. I did not engage in a single instance of emotional eating. I did not eat piles of sugar (though I did drink copious amounts of iced coffee...) or any cheeseburgers. I even managed to say "no" to pizza and ate a cobb salad instead. And was satisfied and did not sit there feeling deprived. It was a good feeling - I felt in control for once. And I was - of MYSELF. I didn't need to control anyone else. What a relief, right?
I came out on top this week - it was a personal best in all areas of my life. It showed me that I can do it, if I just trust God and let go of my need to control everything. I'm still learning, of course, but I feel a sense of accomplishment. If I can hit this goal (staying sober during parental visit), I can reach the next goal, too.
So that's all I've got. Am starting a new week, a new month and want to focus pretty hard on my exercise goals in August. I am down a total of 16 pounds now. Again, it is slow progress but it is consistent. And I am into smaller pants... I've got a plan to write a special post about my PANTS. Check back in a week or so to read about me and all my pants. Until then, remember...............